In the beginning, Netflix, wine, and junk food were the only things I consumed—a massive setback for me. I went from hitting my target weight loss goal, eating right, and hitting the gym, then became a couch potato. TV was a distraction, and junk food was comforting. All are considered normal behavior after heartbreak. The key, however, is to set limits. At some point, you must ask yourself, how long will I do this? Set long-term beneficial goals with healing in mind, not just distractions. Initially, it will be challenging, but creating a plan is necessary. Many things guided me through my journey, but here are the top four things that were essential in the process:
Therapy
Therapy should become a part of everyone’s life. I saw three different therapists before I found the right fit for me. Healing is possible for everyone and is still about perceptions. Research and interview them; you will know when the therapist is the right fit after the first or second visit. I needed someone who understood my process and could help me transition. A therapist who guided me through this traumatic event gave me what I needed to hear. My therapist helped me sort through my thoughts and determine what I could do to better myself. We created a plan of action and crossed over from focusing less on the relationship to the new version of my life. It took time, patience, hard truths, and work, but we figured it out together.
Books
Books were a lifesaver, TV was still very present, but reading was essential to healing. I read many books on marriage and divorce, some I probably should have read before getting married. (You live, and you learn.) All were very interesting and helpful during my stages of grief. At the time, I would start a book and then notice that it was not beneficial. If that’s the case, don’t dismiss the book entirely. Once you get to the right stage, revisit that book, and find the value in what it’s teaching you. I read many self-help books, but I also had to add some fictional books when I needed to get lost in a good story. Take that time to bring clarity and learn something new in the process. Reading will do that for you.
Working out
Working out became the love of my life again. Cardio and Pilates were the two things that kept me going. Get to your workouts first thing in the morning before the negative feelings and thoughts set in. Mental and physical health go hand in hand, and you can’t have one without the other. It will help eliminate a lot of stress to breeze through the day. Thirty minutes a day is all you need, and the best way to start is by walking. Read my blog, TOP 5 TOOLS THAT HELP ME TO WORKOUT, if you need some motivation.
Dating Myself
Dating Myself wasn’t an option but a must; going into last year, dating myself was my number one goal. Hearing the words, divorce accelerated the process of facing that fear. It also included traveling by myself! Solo Traveling was at the bottom of my to-do list, but as priorities shifted, so did my need to travel.
I enjoy my alone time, but enjoying your company outside the house gives you a better sense of self and self-worth. You see things without soliciting others’ opinions, which grants you different ways to evolve. Eating dinner, going to the movies, and celebrating something alone brings countless stares from people, but you don’t even notice over time. You also realize that you no longer need to wait on others to celebrate yourself. They celebrate the small wins; getting out of bed is worth celebrating!
In the End
I consider myself a solid adaptable person, but this was a test that I didn’t think I had the strength to pass. Experiencing a divorce can take a toll on you mentally, physically, and spiritually. I didn’t realize I would share the seven stages of grief of what I would endure. During that time, it’s normal for the steps to be all over the place. One day you’ll be progressing and having it all together, then suddenly, you’re back at square one. Again this journey was challenging for me. Shedding light on my trip was essential for me and a continuation of my healing process. At times I had to dig deep to propel myself forward.
Doing all these things aided me in applying The Four Agreements from a different perspective. My priorities shifted, and I became the most important person in my life again. Healing is essential, but it takes time. Every day I love something new about the woman I am becoming and admire every bit of her! All I can do is my best, and my best is whatever I want it to be without anyone’s opinion.
Comment below if you enjoyed this post and currently rebuilding from something that once broke you. I would love to hear about your journey.